October 2011
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“I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not...”
– Mitch Hedberg (via simko)
“You don’t need to repeat this, there is no ceremony any more, everybody is gone...”
– Ernest Hemingway.
September 2011
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The Exorcism of Pentagoat.
Pentagoat: I had a terrible work experience. A man tried to do an exorcism on me. No joke.
Me: ....tell me EVERYTHING.
Pentagoat: So he came in and I was like, 'hi can I help you with anything.' and he was like.. 'I can sense that you're an atheist...'
Me: ...I like where this is going.
Pentagoat: And I was just like, uh yeah, how can I help you? and he asked for the gospel section so I brought him there and then he told me he could feel Satan inside of me.
Me: "Me too. It feels good."
Pentagoat: and I was just like -_- Ok. and then he grabbed my shoulders and was like, 'what made you an atheist?!' and I said I was raised like this. And then he started shaking.
Me: I hope next someone kicked him out of the store...
Pentagoat: and he was like the Devil is strong inside of you. Do you worship him? and I said no and then he said well it shouldn't be long.
Me: Why didn't you say yes?!
Pentagoat: And then he started squeezing my arms and he told me he was from another dimension and he was sent down from God to rid my body of Satan and that he can shapeshift and he can wear my skin and he said he can teleport and go invisible and I would never know because I'm from the 3rd dimension. And then he started shaking me and saying please God, rid this innocent girl of the Devil! And then I started crying because he was scaring me really bad. And then my coworker saved me...
Me: And then we called the police and had him committed and we lived happily ever after?
Pentagoat: Then I went to the back and my coworker came with me and when we were back there he left.
Me: How did your coworker save you?
Pentagoat: He was just like Jordyn, jodi needs you in the back. And I went to the back.
Me: Oh that's kind of lame. How could he tell you had Satan?!
Pentagoat: He said he could sense it....I don't know.
Me: I wonder what tipped him off. Maybe he was right!!
Pentagoat: It was so so creepy. When he said that he could take my skin...
Me: Fucking nut.
Who wants a cop joke?
sanityscraps:
Q: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The entire station because they have to beat up the room because it’s black.
Well.
I can’t say I didn’t see that punchline coming.
I doubt anyone black didn’t.
Pentagoat is telling me how a man tried to perform an exorcism on her at work today.
Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure he was unsuccessful.
hellyeahfuckyeahshityeah:
This Danzig tweet above is based on a true story. My pal Brendan, from @Filmdrunk’s podcast, knows Justin, the guy that runs @ShitMyDadSays, and he lives next to Danzig in Los Feliz. Here’s the story in chat form:
Here’s a picture of said bricks.
Here’s Danzig washing his Jaguar (Google Street View).
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“I like people too much or not at all.”
– Sylvia Plath (via girleatsworld)
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To all Occupy Wall Street Participants, here is... →
ciel-errant:
stfuconservatives:
wilwheaton:
From Reddit, where the comments are also worth reading:
Guys, listen. Here’s the deal.
I love you guys with every shred of my hard-left leaning heart. But I think you might be doing something wrong. Here is one thing that can help you.
Tomorrow, wear a polo and khakis
Seriously. polos and khakis. Every time you guys DO finally get some...
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“Well, I’ve changed the course of music five or six times. What have you done...”
– Miles Davis to Nancy Reagan at a White House dinner in 1987 after she’d enquired as to what he’d done with his life to merit an invitation. source (via theadrianflores)
Miles “we’ll practice on stage motherfucker.” Davis.
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noblebeasts:
Reblog if you’re willing to answer publicly anything that comes to your ask box right now.
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“I interviewed an officer in a case of mine once to find out why he’d...”
– A friend of my lawyer uncle.
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Just saw a post of someone bitching about the...
massacregoddess:
I lol’d.
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